1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
