Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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