The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
