I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
