my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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