Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
