I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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