dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
