On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
