I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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