Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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