Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
