The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
