I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
