i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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