New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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