Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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