remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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