my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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