You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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