Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
