Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
