He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
