best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
