So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
