All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
