He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
