I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
