Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
