So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
