She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
