You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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