Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am naked and annoyed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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