I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
