direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
