remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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