i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
