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Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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