giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
