I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
