I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
