Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
