i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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