apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
