Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
