just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
