I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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