We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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