I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
