3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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