he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
