I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
