remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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