i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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