I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
