I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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