Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
