i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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